From the same studio that brought you “The Land Before Time 76 and 3/4″ and “YATZEE! The Musical!”
OK, I know you’re probably thinking, “Cam, how can you guys have a movie made about you? Aren’t you just an unsigned rock band, not to mention unbelievably boring people?” While the former may be true, there are many misconceptions about the five brooding members of Shaimus that I am confident this film will put to rest. No longer will we be thought of as your typical run-of-the-mill-indie band desperately striving for success and notoriety. No, sir. Those days are over. From this day forward, Shaimus will be seen as a complex, diverse, and emotionally charged unit. Maybe throw in some sex appeal and explosions for good measure (rumor has it Jerry Bruckheimer has been tapped to produce). Regardless, the time has come and OUR STORY MUST BE TOLD!!!
For instance, did you know our bass player Johannes is Swedish? Or, uh….German? Thai? I don’t know, he’s something weird. Anyways, that’s kinda cool. Take our singer Phil, for instance. When he was 6, he skipped the 2nd grade! Wow! He went straight from 1st to 3rd grade…. outstanding. How about our guitar players, Dave and Evan? They seem boring, you say? Well, I think you’ll be surprised to find out they both enjoy the TV show Jeopardy. Sometimes they even watch it together! And as for me? I don’t like to brag, but for awhile I lived in San Francisco where I worked as a chemical weapons specialist. This one time, a bunch of pissed off veterans took Alcatraz hostage and I had to team up with a washed up Sean Connery to help save the day. It was pretty awesome, especially when I got to stick this little green ball full of some weird nerve gas into a guys mouth and yelled “EAT THIS!” right as I punched him in the face.
Woah. Now tell me that wouldn’t make a good movie? Any of this stuff would. It’s pure gold, as far as I’m concerned. That’s why I’ve gone and done the industry a frickin’ service by casting the film myself. Behold…
SHAIMUS THE MOVIE!
Jason Biggs as Phil Beaudreau
Everyman. Big heart/smile. Has tendency to stick privates in pastries.
David Spade as Evan Brown
Our straight man. Ice cold demeanor. So sarcastic it hurts.
Zach Braff as Cam Brousseau
Enthusiastic. Anxious. Sensitive to the touch.
Orlando Bloom as Johannes Raassina
Serious face. Intelligent. Annoying foreign accent.
Jon Heder as Dave Middleton
The joker. Huge lips. Makes a fart joke every 5 minutes.
So there you have it, folks. Cinema at its finest. I think I smell a Razzie Award or two in the near future. But I don’t wanna get my hopes up.
Welcome to Blogjammin’. Your answer to anything and everything Shaimus. Cheers.
