My favorite comedian, George Carlin, died this past weekend. As a tribute, I’ve posted two videos of his bits. The first is one of his classics: baseball vs. football. No dirty language, just hilarious observations. The second one is Carlin expressing his disdain for guys named Todd (and other soft boys’ names). It’s the complete opposite side of his comedy: dirty, angry, and still hilarious. I’m bummed that I’ll never get the chance to see him live. Enjoy.

We’ve all been in the position of watching a movie someone else is really excited about and more or less disliking every minute of it. So what’s the most effective way of suffering through such an ordeal while avoiding the risk of appearing obviously disinterested to said excited party? Is it really worth the effort of explaining the reasons one isn’t enjoying the movie? What if the movie is so bad that elaborating on this topic would take as long as watching another equally bad film? Regardless of the answers to these rhetorical questions, I have figured out a temporary solution that has worked many times in the past. My suggestion:

• Pretend a friend of yours made the movie, and that you personally know everyone who is acting in it.

With this mindset, bad jokes become funnier, cheap special effects appear impressive, poorly written dialogue becomes excusable, and sub-par acting translates as endearing. I swear, it works. A good example would be the movie “Hatchet”. It’s about a guy who was deformed, burned alive, and now kills people with a hatchet. The “unconventional” ending becomes a stroke of genius when watching using my brilliant strategy. Try it, I dare you.

Good evening to all the Shaimus blog fans. First of all, let me apologize for never ever blogging. I believe blogs to be similar to symphonies, each composer with his own style. Evan, like Mozart, can write a masterpiece blog on the first try. I, however, take many moons to perfect my blogs, making me more like Brahms, who took twenty years to write his first symphony.

I would like to discuss something of great importance. This issue, whose magnitude cannot be misunderestimated in its relation to our generation, is one of sexual politics and turbulent changes to our modern-day patriarchical society. I’m talking, of course, about the secret feminist agenda propogated by the Disney company.

As you read, keep in mind several things. I myself am a feminist by definition. I believe that women and men should be treated equally; that men and women are different but complementary; that ones’ weakness is most often the others’ strength. Secondly, know that I took Gender and Power in History from a Harvard professor (a woman with hairy armpits and a doctorate in history) and earned an A-. Disney has infiltrated the minds of young people and poisened their perception of reality by showing us a steady stream of female protagonists who have it all and are yet unsatisfied. Take for instance the following princesses:

1. Ariel

Has twenty thingamabobs, whosits and whatsits galore, and says “But who cares, no big deal.”

2. Jasmine

Stands to inherit an Arabian empire, with all its oily richness, but throws it all away.

3. Belle

Has the handsomest man in the village offer her marriage, only to snub him because he is a townie.

I find it no surprise that due to the Disney corporation’s steady instillment of their privatized values, several of our cherished American traditions are drowning in a tide of iconoclasm, losing their grip on the rock of decency and morality. Divorce rates are astronomical, childhood obesity is an epidemic, and my girlfriend doesn’t know how to cook.

All of this, which makes me love you less, is the evil, bitter fruit of the Disney corporation.